There’s really no point in completely debasing myself

I realized this after I sat down after my speech.

I have very choice words for my own performance, but I’m not going to say them. I realized as my friends told me ‘good job’ that regardless of whether or not they actually thought that, the speech was over and there was nothing I could do to fix the problems I had. At least not for this speech.

I went to my teacher after and asked if I could do it again because I was disappointed in my performance. Instead we discussed ways for me to slow down my speed and how to avoid the trap I get myself into during every speech.

She told me my organization was excellent, as well as my content. That alone will land me a B range grade, but that’s not enough and I told her that.

The only person that can push me to do better is myself. No one has the ability to motivate me like me. However I often turn to debasing myself when I don’t perform up to par (and in my mind I never perform up to par, I can always always do better) but this time, I congratulated myself on the parts I did really well and started forming plans on how to fix the persistent problems I have.

I’m hoping to show a lot of improvement by the end (hopefully enough to magically get an A in the class, fingers crossed)

I’m not going to get the improvement I wan’t just by telling myself I did horrible and that I need to improve next time. I respond well to negative critiques other people give, but not to negative critiques given to myself, because I will never be able to live up to my own extremely high standards. So I’m going to try working on giving myself constructive critiscm, in hopes that I’ll finally be able to pull out an A+++++ on a speech in this class.

I’ve had a system for school work for a while, but it’s not as effective now as it was a couple of years ago. And now it’s getting to the point where I have to find new ways to motivate myself to get the grades I need to get, or continue to fall into a mediocre range that will not get me the GPA I want to graduate with.

I think it’s officially time to change up some habits. Now that my major work is done for a while, I’m going to spend this week thinking about habits that need reforming and how I can reform them. Not only school habits, but cleanliness and social habits as well.

It’s just time. And it’s unfortunate it took me till Junior year to realize that I can’t keep going on the way I’m going.